


Happy Birthday, Lily

by Alice_Prongs



Series: Jily One-Shots [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 07:46:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5860288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_Prongs/pseuds/Alice_Prongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Evans loved her birthday. A few of Lily's birthday's through the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday, Lily

_i._ _when you’re seven years old_

You’re so happy you can barely speak. You’re seven. Finally seven. You love the number seven. You’re starting middle school in the summer and you just feel so _grown up_. It’s awesome. You can finally go to school with your sister and you two will be the best of friends there as well. You hear the knock on your bedroom door and you know it’s her because it’s your secret code.

_Knock. Knock knock. Knock. Knock knock knock. Knock. Knock._

You run to open the door for her and you’re yelling as soon as you see her on your doorstep. She laughs at your excitement and hugs you tightly. The bear hug, as you two called it.

“I’m seven, Tuney, _seven_!”

“I know, kiddo, I know! Happy birthday, Lily flower!” You get a bit annoyed because she doesn’t stop calling you a kiddo and by your child’s nickname even when you’re _clearly_ already a grown up, but you don’t say anything because you don’t want to argue with her today. Not today.

“LILY! TUNEY! COME DOWN, BREAKFAST’S READY!” You hear your mom calling from downstairs and it only takes one shared look with your sister for you two to start racing there. It’s a common thing for you to do, and it usually ends with your mom giving you a lecture about not running inside the house. But you know she’s not going to say anything today, at least not to you, because it’s your birthday and she’s always a lot nicer on those days.

And as soon as you get downstairs you’re greeted by your mom’s warm hug and a kiss on the forehead. And the smell of breakfast fills your nose and it’s chocolate chip pancakes, your favorite. A few minutes later your father walks in the kitchen and he picks you up and spins you around for just a little moment before putting you down and complaining about his back because you’re getting older and bigger every year. And everyone laughs at it because you couldn’t be smaller than you are and your father gives you one of his crushing hugs where you can barely breathe, but you don’t complain because you feel like you’re home.

And when you ask if you’re friends are coming over later, your parents tell you no, and before you can complain about it, your father lays a hand on your shoulder.

“Not today, sweetie.” Your mom says, and your father explains it.

“Today is going to be just us, Lils. It’s your birthday, and birthdays are family day. So that’s what we’re going to make of it.”

You don’t say a word to argue about it, because you don’t care. You like family day. Your parents don’t leave for work and you play with Tuney in the garden while they’re making lunch and after lunch they sing you ‘Happy Birthday’ and you eat that delicious chocolate cake your mom makes. On the afternoon you all spend time together playing and it’s the most fun you’ve had in a long time. And really, you don’t even care about gifts, not even that you actually _got_ that doll you wanted so badly, because you’re with your parents and your sister and it couldn’t have been better. You couldn’t have been happier.

 

_ii._ _when you’re eleven years old_

You wake up like it’s any other of your birthdays, although you know it’s not. You hear your sister knock on your door and you can’t contain your excitement when you open it. It’s _today_. This is the day she had been talking about for over a year with Sev, the day her life would change forever. Her sister hugs her and laughs at her excitement, even though she doesn’t know exactly why you’re that happy. You haven’t told her about everything Sev has told you. You know she wouldn’t approve it. You two go downstairs and your parents hug you, but they have no idea of what’s going through your head. You wonder if the news are going to come through an owl or if someone’s going to come to explain everything to her family. You wonder if any of it is actually true. _Hogwarts_.

Your questions are answered when there’s a knock on the door.

“I bet it’s that boy _Snape_. You should probably tell him that birthdays are family day, mom, no friends.” Your sister says when your mother stand up to answer the door, the disgust clear in her voice. You have to control yourself to not say anything to her. You know she just wants your well being , but you hate it when she talks badly about Sev.

It’s an old man at the door. He’s got a long white beard and kind blue eyes and wears weird, colorful clothes. You’re almost shaking with excitement. This is it. It’s all true. You’re a witch. You’re going to a magical school to learn magic! Your family looks confused as the man walks in the house, a small smile playing on his lips. Your parents look worriedly at each other, but you can barely keep yourself from screaming in excitement. The old man sits down on the couch when you and your family walk with him to the living room.

“You’re probably wondering who I am and what do I want with you. My name’s Albus Dumbledore, and I’m the headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” The man says, and before your parents can laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, he proceeds to explain everything. About magic, and the school, and about the fact that _you_ , Lily Evans, are a witch and he’s inviting you to study at Hogwarts on the next fall.

Your parents are confused, keep asking questions to Professor Dumbledore, and you’re so excited. You can’t stop smiling, and you also ask some questions yourself, curious about this whole new world that you’re about to enter. But Tuney doesn’t even participate in the conversation, she just stays on the corner of the room, staring at everything, an unreadable expression on her face. You get a bit worried about it, but you decide to only talk to her about it later, because right now your fate is going to be decided.

Albus Dumbledore is kind during the whole talk, always the little smile on his face. When he says that you’re a witch, you think that he’s holding his laughter in by his expression as he watches you barely containing your excitement. It’s only after a few hours of talking that your parents understand and believe everything the man is saying. They still look worried, though, as he bids them and you goodbye and exits your house. At that, Tuney goes up the stairs silently and before you can go after her your parents sit you down on the living room again to talk.

“This is all so sudden, Lily, and weird and impossible. Your father and I were having a hard time believing any of it before Mr. Dumbledore did his magic with that wand of his. And yet, sweetie, you didn’t seem fazed by it at any moment. It was like you already knew about all this.” Your mom holds your hand as she says it, and your father stands beside her and you’re smiling again, because it’s true, it’s all true!

“That’s because I did, mom!” And when your parents look at you with surprise, you start telling them about all the times you’ve done magic without intending to, and everything Sev has told you and how you’ve been waiting for this day for a long time now. And with that you manage to lessen your parents’ hesitation.

“Well, Lily, considering we’ve seen you make some quite extraordinary things ourselves, although we could never explain it, and that we can’t deny that what that man did in here was magic as well, we’re letting you go to Hogwarts.” And with your father’s last words, you finally let out the scream you’ve been keeping in since that knock on your door, and you jump from the couch and hug your parents, who laugh at it.

“But you listen to me, baby girl, you’re going to a boarding school, so if you don’t write to us at least once a week, we’re taking you out of there, do you understand?” Your mother says, and you can only nod, still not being able to stop smiling. You’re going to study magic.

“We could never let you waste your potential, Lils. We only want what’s best for you, and this is probably what’s best for you, even though it’s quite hard to believe it.” Your father caresses your hair, and you hug them both one last time before running upstairs and knocking with your secret code on your sister’s bedroom door.

She answers it and you already jump in, talking and talking about how excited you are for all of this, and you hug her and you dance with her and you don’t stop talking about magic and wizards and witches and Hogwarts. You’re so excited that you don’t notice that Tuney isn’t smiling back at you like she used to do or that her eyes are red as if she had been crying. For one of the only times in your life, you think more about you than about your sister, and it’s one of the biggest mistakes you make, because maybe if you had noticed something was wrong and said something, maybe then your relationship with her wouldn’t have gone south.

And after a while you go to your bedroom and you lay on your bed and you open the letter Professor Dumbledore gave to you. It’s your acceptance into Hogwarts, along with the list of school supplies you’re going to need. You’re a bit confused when you read people can take toads to the school. Who would want a toad? And why weren’t first years allowed to have a broomstick? Why would they need a broomstick either way? But you don’t spend much time thinking about it, you’re just imagining how cool it will be to buy all of that stuff.

You read the letter over and over again, so many times that you actually memorize it. You can’t wait to tell everything to Sev tomorrow. This is it. This is your life changing forever. But you’ve never had any idea of just how much.

It’s the best birthday gift you could ever get.

But it’s the last birthday you spend as family day.

It’s the last birthday your sister knocks on your door in the morning.

It’s the last birthday your sister wishes you Happy Birthday.

It’s the last birthday that you’re Lily flower and not _freak_ to Tuney.

 

_iii._ _when you’re fourteen years old_

You wake up to your friend Marlene jumping on you, screaming, while Dorcas and Alice laugh. You’re a bit grumpy about it because you really hate being woken up, especially since it’s a Saturday. But as the three girls keep reminding through their screams, it’s your birthday! So you get up and after a round of hugs from them, you get ready for breakfast, putting on your nicest clothes and letting Marley do her magic on your hair. This is your day, after all, and you want to look good. The present and letter from your parents are already sitting on the foot of your bed, just like the presents the girls got you and you four go out of your dorm after you’ve opened all of them. You’re going to send the thank you letter to your parents later.

On the way to the Great Hall, you’re stopped by Emmeline Vance, Mary MacDonald and Hestia Jones who wish you a happy birthday. You like them a lot, as well, even though you’re not as close with them as you are with Marley, Alice and Doe, and you thank them for remembering it. You sit down for breakfast with your friends and you four start to talk excitedly. You’re fourteen now, and you feel like a grown up all over again.

“Lily, I swear Amus Diggory is looking straight at you.” Alice whispers to you at one point from across the table, and you blush hard because you’ve had a crush on him for a while now, and _of course_ he’s not looking at you. Why would he?

“Oh, God, Alice! Stop staring at him!” You hiss to her, as she’s not being even a bit subtle at it. You let a mischievous smile take over your face then. “You should probably stop paying attention on Amus and my romantic life and start realizing all the times that Frank Longbottom is practically declaring his love for you through his eyes.”

You manage to make her blush this time, and Doe and Marley laugh with you as the focus changes to how much Alice and Frank like each other, but won’t admit it, and the other girl doesn’t stop complaining about it. Breakfast goes on like this until mail time, when an owl lands right in front of you, leaving a single lily there with a little note tied to it.

_Happy birthday, Evans._

It doesn’t say anything else, and your friends read it and are suddenly convinced that you’ve got yourself a secret admirer and start discussing who it is. You’re curious too, since you don’t recognize the handwriting. Alice is convinced that he person who sent it was Amus Diggory, while Doe says it was Benjy Fenwick, and Marley, lord knows why, says it was Potter. You don’t give much thought to that one, of course, since your friend is probably losing her mind to even consider it. And there’s also something else you can’t stop thinking about. For some reason you’re a little disappointed that Tuney, or rather, Petunia didn’t send you anything again this year. You don’t know why, though, as you should have been expecting that already considering the last two years.

You leave the Great Hall with your friends and you’re greeted by Sev, who looks weirdly at the lily in your hand. You give the flower to the girls and ignore the faces they make as you bid them goodbye and leave with him. He takes you to a tree by the lake and hugs you and wishes you Happy Birthday and you two talk and talk and talk like the old friends you are. And you try to ignore the fact that it looks like Sev is a bit embarrassed to be with you here, because he doesn’t stop looking around, as if waiting for someone to come out at him. After a while you get a bit tired of Sev’s fidgeting and you tell him you have to go back to the Common Room. He nods and you hug him one last time before leaving. You miss how, although he looks sad that you left, he also looks relieved that no one saw it.

It’s when you’re almost getting to the Fat Lady’s portrait hole that you bump into the last person you wanted to see. _Potter_.

“Evans! Looking good today!” He’s smiling that infuriating smile of his and you hate it. You hate him. He runs his hand through his hair, obviously, before looking you up and down once. You hate yourself when you feel that your cheeks are turning red.

“Shut up, Potter. I’m not in the mood for you today.” You grumble, wanting to get this over with.

“Are you ever?” He crooks his head and doesn’t stop smiling, and you only stare murderously at him. “I heard from McKinnon that it’s your birthday, today, is that right, Red?”

“Don’t call me Red, you prat. And yes, it’s my birthday, so maybe just today you could not be a pain in the ass to me, what do you think?” You don’t wait for his answer as you turn around and start to walk away, but you do hear it.

“Well, then, happy birthday, Lily flower.”

You don’t look back at him, but you know that he's probably still smiling and you should probably be yelling at him, but you're frozen in place because it's been years since you last heard that nickname, that phrase. The memories fill your mind and it hurts, it hurts because everything's different and there's no one to call you Lily flower now. And it's like you're hearing Tuney’s laugh and seeing you two running around the Evans’ garden, but it's all just memories because it's all gone now. You’re not Lily flower anymore, you're the freak and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

And maybe it wasn't the right way to deal with it, but you run away from Potter and you hear him calling your name but you don't turn around, you can't, you can't explain it. Not to him, not to anyone. And there are tears running down your face and you curse yourself for being too tied up to the past, for being weak.

You only stop running when you’re one hundred percent sure that no one will find you on the deserted hallway you’re at. You rest against the wall then, sliding to the floor and hugging your legs. The tears don’t stop running for a while and it takes you at least half an hour to calm yourself down. Ten minutes after that you see Potter rounding the corner. As he sees you, he walks cautiously up to you.

“Are you alright, Evans? Listen, I’m sorry if I said or did anything to hurt you or something, but really, I was just going to wish you a happy birthday and…” He’s talking a mile a second and you almost giggle a bit at his nervousness. But you don’t, because that’s Potter. His hand is going through his hair again and he pushes up his glasses once before actually looking at you.

“Shut up, Potter. I’m fine. You didn’t do anything.” You say and you see his whole body relaxing. He holds out his hand for you to help you up. For some insane reason you take it and he looks even more surprised than you are when you do.

“Well, then, Evans, if everything’s okay, I would like to escort you back to the Common Room. Your friends are probably freaking out and McKinnon’s going to kick my butt if I don’t take you back safely.” You roll your eyes at how melodramatic he is, but you let him take you back.

You don’t speak much on the way, but when you’re in front of the Fat Lady’s portrait hole again he holds your wrist. You look up at him and there’s a frown between his eyes that you’ve only seen once before when he was worried about Sirius Black after he hurt himself on a particular rough Quidditch game.

“I know you don’t like me very much, Evans, well, you loathe me, but I swear I didn’t intend to make you feel bad or anything. I’m not going to ask you what all that was about, I know you won’t tell me, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry.” He says, and you actually don’t feel like screaming to him after it. You almost thank him for not asking any questions, but he’s Potter and you’re Lily Evans and he’s right, you loathe him. So, instead, you ask a question yourself.

“What took you so long to find me? I mean, you could have just run after me and you would have catch up to me in, like, two seconds, but it took you at least forty minutes.” He shrugs at that, but there’s a small smile on his lips, one of those smiles that earned him the title of Marauder.

“I thought you would want some time alone. And, also, I was worried that if I did run after you, you would be mad at me and just kick me in the junk so…” At that you roll your eyes again and say the password to the Fat Lady, entering the Common Room with Potter trailing behind you.

Marley, Doe and Alice come running to you as they see you, hugging you with all they’ve got. They tell you they were worried after Potter told them that you ran away from him and that it looked like you were crying. Marley says that he was really sweet on telling them that he didn’t run after you immediately because he was afraid you wouldn’t like that, but that he made sure that he would find you. You’re getting seriously suspicious that Marley thinks Potter is into you and that she _likes_ that idea, but you prefer to ignore it.

For the rest of the day, your three best friends do everything to make you feel better and they succeed. You eat tons of chocolate and you play on the snow covered grounds and you talk badly about the Slytherins. They, just like Potter, don’t make you tell them why you weren’t feeling okay, and you’re thankful for that.

You don’t see him again until after dinner, when you’re entering the Common Room. He doesn’t say anything, only looks at you, that frown back between his eyes and the little smile on his lips. But you dismiss it because that’s Potter that you’re talking about. You go up to the dorm with the girls and you see they’ve put the lily on a little vase that Doe conjured. You chat and laugh and there’s even a pillow fight and it’s so fun that when you go to sleep you don’t even remember your sister.

You do dream with a pair of hazel eyes though. You have no idea who they’re from.

_iv._ _when you’re seventeen years old_

You wake up. You know what day it is. You don’t care. So what that you’re turning seventeen? So what that you’re of age now? So what that you’re allowed to do magic outside of school now? What’s the point of all of it, anyway? You still remember your father telling you that birthdays are family day. But you have no family anymore so there’s really no reason to celebrate it. You lost your parents to a car crash three months ago and the pain is still fresh, just under your skin, you only need to close your eyes for a few seconds for everything to flood you again. And you’ve lost your sister years ago, when you were just a little red headed eleven year old who got a letter that changed your life forever.

You know you should be ecstatic today and that your friends won’t understand you. They’ve all been waiting for the day they would turn seventeen since they were born. So you understand why they just jumped on you, screaming excitedly and hugging you to a point where you’re almost suffocated.

“So, Lily, what do you want to do to celebrate the fact that you’re _finally_ of age?” Doe says. They’re sitting around you on your bed, the three smiling as if it’s Christmas Day. It’s not. It’s just your birthday and you almost feel bad for what you’re about to tell them.

“Nothing.” You see the shock on their faces and you get up from the bed before any of them says anything.

“ _What?_ ” You hear Marley exclaim as you’re entering the bathroom. You close your eyes for a few seconds and you breathe deeply, trying to calm yourself, trying to stop the tears that are threatening to fall. You hear your friends shuffling hurriedly to the bathroom as well.

“Lily, what do you mean you don’t want to celebrate your seventeenth birthday? It’s, like, the most important day of a witch’s life! We have to do something and…” It’s Alice now who says it as your friends’ heads appear on the door.

“I _mean_ that I don’t want to celebrate it. I’m not in the mood for any of this. So, please, stop insisting.” You close the door on their faces.

After a few minutes you hear them leaving the dorm and only then you allow yourself to leave the bathroom. You’ve taken a shower already, so you just change and fix up your hair a little bit before exiting the room. You see the marauders sitting in front of the fireplace as soon as you get to the stairs that lead to the Common Room and James springs to his feet when he sees you, a smile already plastered on his face. You know what he’s about to say, but you don’t want to hear it.

“Happy birthday, Evans!” He goes up to you at the foot of the stairs, his friends close behind him.

They’re all smiling, and apparently haven’t realized that you’re not. James holds out his hand for you like he’s going to help you go down the stairs, like a prince would do to a princess on one of the fairy tales you’ve read as a child. You take his hand because you don’t want to be rude with him, not now that you’ve finally made amends. He kisses your knuckles once you get down and you blush a little.

“EVANS!” You jump a little at Sirius’s scream and he hugs you tightly, spinning you around, and you don’t think you can stay there much longer, so after all the boys have hugged you, you thank them and excuse yourself, saying you need to get to breakfast.

They don’t suspect anything, but all that brought back too many memories. Memories of your father’s bear hug, of laughing and ‘ _Happy Birthday, Lily!_ ’s. Memories of your birthday three years ago, back in the day when you still got letters from your parents, when you were still friends with Snape, but you already didn’t get anything from your sister. Memories of James Potter’s outstretched hand after you ran away from him when he called you Lily flower.

But you’re a Gryffindor and you can’t keep doing this to yourself, so you put yourself back together and continue on your way to the Great Hall. Some people stop you and wish you happy birthday, but you just smile and keep walking. You’re not in the mood. And you sit down with your friends, but you barely look at them, even though they’re acting like nothing happened and are apparently trying to cheer you up.

The morning continues normally until you bump into Snape and his future Death Eaters friends. He looks at you, eyes wide, as if he wants to say something, and you hear Bellatrix Lestrange’s cruel laugh as she calls you a _mudblood_ and Snape doesn’t move a finger. You’re almost hexing her when a warm hand grabs yours and James appears by your side, wand pointed straight at the Slytherins, as you see the other marauders positioning themselves beside you, protectively. You don’t hear what they’re saying, but you see Snape’s horrified reaction at your and James’s entangled hands and it actually gives you a sense of satisfaction. The boys get you out of there and you’re thankful. This was the last day you needed a confrontation with the Slytherins.

Remus is asking you if you’re alright and you just nod your head, so he continues to look at you with concern. Sirius keeps staring back to the direction the Slytherins were, as if he’s controlling himself to not go after them right now and you worry that he’s going to do it, but James calms him down. Peter is just staring at you, and weirdly enough he looks like the only one of them who actually knows what’s going on through your head. James still hasn’t let go of your hand.

Sirius, Remus and Peter soon leave you alone with James, and the boy looks at you, that frown from three years ago back on his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You answer and you try to walk away, but he doesn’t let you, walking along with you.

“No, you’re not. I’m not stupid, Evans, I realized that the moment you got down from your dorm today. What’s wrong?” He says and your heartbeat quickens. He’s going to make you say it.

You don’t talk for a few minutes, still walking, and James stays there beside you, waiting patiently for your answer. But suddenly you can’t go on anymore, because you’ve arrived at the exact same hallway from exactly three years ago. The marauder stops too and you know he’s thinking the exact same thing that you are.

“I don’t want to celebrate my birthday.” You say, suddenly, surprising even yourself.

His reaction is exactly like Marlene’s. “ _What?_ But… It’s your seventeenth birthday! You’re of age now, why wouldn’t you want to celebrate it?” You sit down on the floor, back against the wall, and James follows your lead, sitting down by your side. He turns his head to you, waiting for the explanation.

“I know it’s a big deal, James, but… All my life, my father taught me something: birthdays are family day. And I don’t have a family anymore. My parents died, my sister hates my guts. So family day doesn’t really make sense to me if I don’t have a family of my own. For the entire morning I’ve just been remembering all my birthdays with my parents and Tuney, and I don’t think I can do this without them.” You say, a few tears running down your face, and James holds your hand again, nodding to show that he understands.

“Okay, Lily, I get it. Your father was right, birthdays are family day. But you’re wrong, because you do have a family. You’ve got the girls and the marauders and everyone in this school.” He smiles at you and you can’t help but smile a bit too, still crying a little. “You may not feel like this as much as we do, because you didn’t grow up in this world, but your seventeenth birthday is _the_ most important day in a witch or wizard’s life. At least until they get married and have kids. I grew up waiting for this day, you know? Thinking about how I was going to celebrate it. Can you imagine it? You can do magic outside of school now, Lils, you’re even going to learn to apparate! It’s amazing!”

“I know that, James, but…”

“But do you really think that your parents would have wanted you to spend this special day like this? Crying and fighting with Slytherins? I can’t let you miss this opportunity, Evans. I won’t. We’re celebrating your birthday.” There aren’t any more arguments after he brings your parents into play, because no, if they had known that you were behaving like this, they would have scolded you and told you to go have fun.

James takes you back to the Common Room and tells the girls and the marauders that Lily Evans had changed her mind. They quickly proceed to make a plan on how exactly the celebration is going to happen and how they’re going to get everything ready.

After dinner, you, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Marley, Doe, Alice and Frank (who came as Alice’s plus one) all gather in front of the Room of Requirement. You enter it and you’re speechless at what you see. They put up an entire party for you, and it’s full of Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and no Slytherins, obviously. Everyone comes to congratulate you and this time you are in the mood. You can only thank your friends and the marauders for everything they’ve done, but the girls tell you to stop being stupid, Remus and Peter tell you it was nothing, Sirius says it was all him and James only winks.

After that, Alice and Frank already vanish and Marley drags Sirius off in a manner that she probably thinks was subtle and everyone else suddenly isn’t there anymore, leaving you alone with James again. You hug him and he’s surprised by it. So are you.

Afterwards, you dream of a pair of hazel eyes again, and you know exactly who they’re from.

 

_v._ _when you’re twenty-one years old_

It's your birthday again. You're twenty one years old. But you're not happy. You're in the middle of a war, and you have a son and a husband to worry about. You're all locked up in a house because you're being hunted. Your baby is being hunted. They want to take your son even if they’ve taken so many people from you already. Fabian and Gideon Prewett, Edgar Bones, Benjy Fenwick… Even Marley and Doe, your best friends. How can you celebrate anything in times like this?

James’s side of the bed is cold, like he’s left a while ago, but before you can wonder how the hell did he manage to wake up before you, your bedroom door opens and James walks in, a tray full of delicious food on his hands. He’s smiling at you on that way of his that made you fall in love, and you smile back, even if you don’t really feel like it.

“Happy birthday, Lily Evans Potter.” He puts the tray on the bed, comes over to you and gives you a kiss. You look at your husband’s face and you can’t believe how lucky you are for having him. You remember how much he helped you on your seventeenth birthday and even how he confessed after years that he had been the one to send you the lily on your fourteenth birthday (Marley was right after all. You wish you could tell her that.). Anonymously, of course, since she hated him back then. 

“Breakfast in bed, James?” You laugh a little bit and you feel him smile against your skin as he’s distributing kisses on your neck.

“It’s the least I could do for you, love.” He’s kissing your collarbone now.

“Where’s Harry, James?” You ask when your husband starts to trail his kisses lower and lower.

“Still sleeping.” His phrase I punctuated by a loud cry from the other room, the sign that your son is awake. You laugh at James’s groan and he sinks his head in your neck, leaving one last kiss there before going to see your son.

You grab the tray that your husband left for you. You’re suddenly hungry when you see what he made. Bacon, toast, fried eggs and orange juice. And chocolate chip pancakes. It makes a few tears come to your eyes, but you hold them back. There’s no reason for that anymore. You’ve already eaten half of the food when James comes back in, Harry in his arms. Your son lets out a happy exclamation when he sees you, and the two of them join you on the bed, James stealing one of your pieces of bacon. You slap his arm for that.

“Lily?” Your husband calls, when you’re already eating your pancakes, and you only look up at him, your mouth full. He lets out a little laugh before continuing. “I know you’re not really excited about today, because of everything’s that’s going on, but it’s your birthday, Lils. Maybe today we can be a little more cheerful in this house, yeah?”

The tears are back to your eyes. “Yeah, of course, babe.” You kiss him quickly on the lips before going back to your pancakes.

You spend the rest of the morning playing with your son and your husband, not thinking about the war, or the Order, or Death Eaters or Voldemort. In the afternoon the marauders come around and it’s all a big party. Harry goes crazy with Sirius’s craziness and you have to stop them from breaking one of her vases at one point in time. They have fun like they haven’t in ages. Peter brings a cake and candles and they all sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you and your son is clapping his hands enthusiastically the entire time. Remus gives you that book that you wanted badly but you couldn’t buy because you can’t leave the house and you hug him so tightly that James even gets a bit jealous.

You also get a letter from Alice and Frank, and you want to cry, but you don’t, because one of your best friends is still alive and although she’s also in hiding with her family, and they’re all in danger, she’s still got that ability of making you see the light in the darkest of days. With the letter there are two pictures: one of Alice, Frank and their son Neville, and one of the four of you, Marley, Doe, Alice and you, when you were all still in Hogwarts. You smile through the tears that escape and James hugs you from behind, giving you all the support you so desperately need.

And when you go to lie down at night, you’re happy. The marauders left a couple hours before and you’ve just put your very tired son to sleep and your husband is kissing down your collarbone again and this time you don’t stop him.

Because the thing is, although you've lost so many friends and you and your family are in danger, birthdays are still family day and you should honor that. You've got a family again and you love them and they love you.  You've got a husband and a son, to whom one day you're going to tell about birthdays and family day just like your father once did to you, you've even got the other three Marauders, who are practically your brothers. And you remember something you’ve been told once: the moment you let yourself be pulled down by the grief and the pain and the sorrow, is the moment you let the darkness win.

So you sleep with a smile on your face.


End file.
